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-:- laughing at my own fear -:-

:: the first salvic trip report ::

4/12/04
Dose – One small pipeful of dried leaves.
Ingestion - Smoked fairly quickly.Duration - Approx 15mins.Intention – Exploratory. I think before I took this first ever dose of salvia that I expected something hallucinogenic – lights playing in front of my eyes or walls melting. So when the salvia effects kicked in, I am taken aback…

Travelling without moving, literally. It is as if the walls are flying past yet I can clearly see that they are static.

My eyes are not unfocussed but my vision is sharp when I want it to be – concentrating on the ashtray, it is fairly easy to place the pipe safely down. The air itself starts to pulse and spatial distortions become strongly apparent. I am in a rolling pulsating space.

I look at the walls, (I still haven’t managed to turn the lights out) and I realise that they are not important. For what I can see is not the thing that I look at but the space which I look through. It has broken into shards of reality.

I am overwhelmed by these unexpected sensations and perceptions and suddenly a great fear kicks in, hitting me with a jolt.

I have taken too much!

My whole body is already racked with pins and needles – now as the prickly heat of my fear seems to take over, I begin to breathe fast. I sit tight, waiting for the sense to pass over me. I listen to the music I am playing – ayahuasca wasi songs. I roll over to where I can see water, swimming through the swirling, energetic spacetime…

Abrete corazon…abrete sentimiento…abrete entendimiento…
Focus, the space becomes transparent and flattened again.
Pick up, the water is transparent as I sip it.

I roll over onto the bed, feeling a little relieved as the sensations start to subside. As I tip my head back onto the pillow, I burst into gales of laughter.

How ridiculous to get so scared! I was fine throughout the sensations, and yet I didn’t see! How crazy!

My first salvia trip settles down into quiet giggles as I laugh at my own fear and my new found amusement. Nevertheless I feel unsettled, as well as a little annoyed with myself for getting scared. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. No wild visuals, no amazing dancing lights. Space itself came alive! The air was a many-currented thing, breathing itself around! I start to understand why salvia isn’t called a hallucinogen or an entheogen, but an existential. But that's just words, philosophy. What is it about this thing?  

then suddenly I was in India,
and strangely, the 16th century...

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